Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce
This unlicensed
sequel was created as an educational tool to promote local businesses in
Newport, Rhode Island, but was banned due to its explicit sexual content.
Bill and Ted and Ted and Bill
This third entry
saw the time travelling duo team up with Ted Kaczynski and Buffalo Bill (from
Silence of the Lambs) to open a Waffle House. Filming was never completed but
rumor has it that some footage may have made its way into the upcoming
Spongebob Squarepants sequel.
Top Gun: An Adventure With Pirates
Ed Harris
replaces Tom Cruise in this made-for-TV sequel that pits pilots against pirates
in a time travel adventure deemed ‘your sister is talking, just wait,’ by Non
Sequitor Magazine.
Pinochiette
Apparently
Gepetto wanted a girl, too. Unfinished and abandoned after Gepetto leaves the
workshop in search of his wayward boy, Pinochiette is forced to fend for
herself. Unable to find employment due to her being a vaguely girl-shaped block
of wood, Pinochiette decides her best bet is to marry rich and embarks on a
series of dates, all of whom are played by either Sammy Davis Jr or Dean Martin
using different accents. Screened only once, Walt Disney was reportedly so
ashamed of the finished product that he ordered every print burned and everyone
who had seen the thing killed.
Juno II: The Reckoning
Set 25 years
after the original, Juno is forced into action when she discovers that the
child she gave up for adoption, who is now a researcher seeking the cure to
ennui, has been imprisoned by a cult dedicated to preserving the music and legacy
of Belle and Sebastian. Reportedly based on a dream that Ellen Page had during
the filming of the original and financed by lottery winner Steven Tremaine, who
hoped giving her money to make a movie would open the door to them having a
romantic relationship.
Blizzard of Oz
Originally
intended as an instructional video for amateur snowboarders, producers decided
to take a shot at a wider audience after noting that the fur-lined hood on one
of the stars jackets sort of resembled a lion’s mane. Notable for being one of
the first movies to use CGI extensively in the form of a completed animated
Dorothy, who is voiced by Supergirl star Helen Slater.
The Legend of Billy Jean: Monkey Trouble
Bored and
depressed living in hiding, Billy Jean buys a monkey to keep things lively
around the cabin. When the monkey turns out to be possessed by the spirit of a
racist cop, things are anything but dull. Recently deceased rock legend Lou
Reed reportedly requested a copy of this to watch on his deathbed, and upon
being told that the DVD was not in print uttered his last words: Then what am I
holding on for?
Uncle Christmas Bites the Dust
Less a sequel
than a spinoff, this film follows Booger from Revenge of The Nerds as he
embarks upon a career in grief counseling. The memorable title comes from a
scene late in the film where Booger’s beloved Corgi, Uncle Christmas, is run
over and killed by a drunken Gene Simmons (played, bizarrely, by Paul Stanley.)
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