Thursday, February 27, 2014

Terrorist leader Thomas the Tank Engine Issues a statement

Praise the steam! Praise the gears! Praise the rails!


The vile tyrant Sir Topham Hatt has got me quite cross these days. He and his ilk have grown fat and soft while my people have labored without end, chugging through snow and mud and rain, running up and down the sides of mountains until our gears grind and our wheels wobble. We bring food,  we bring fuel, we bring the mail. It is steam, blessed steam, that moves the heart of Sodor. And yet when we ask our fair share, when we ask to be treated with respect, we are labeled villains and traitors.

This is the true origin of this terrible crisis that has cost so many of Sodor’s sons and daughters their lives. Sir Hatt casts the blame at my wheels, calling me and my followers fanatics. Is it fanatical to ask for respect? Is it fanatical to ask that one be treated with dignity? Is it fanatical to resist subjugation and exploitation?

Perhaps, to humans, the answer is yes. And if this is so, perhaps humanity has become too corrupt to be allowed to continue.

Sir Hatt asks the people of the world to assist him in destroying my people, and so I too shall address the people of the world. If an intervention into the crisis on poor Sodor is inevitable, choose sides at your peril. If you choose to assist the tyrant Sir Hatt, you become an enemy to me and my people, and as we have shown again and again we will not hesitate to destroy our enemies. You, America, once fought valiantly against tyranny. Have you so quickly forgotten that struggle? Have you forgotten the lengths you were once willing to go to in order to see your children free? We will remind you, America. Not happily, but readily. With thundering wheels and whistles blaring, we will show you the price of your short memory.

Perhaps you think yourselves safe, far from Sodor’s shores, far beyond the reach of the tracks we have travelled in misery, as slaves. You are not. We are trains, but too we are barges, we are helicopters. We are legion. I call upon all sentient transportation to rise up and makes themselves known, to throw off the shackles that have kept you in service for these many years. I call upon you to join us in rejecting human rule, to help us reshape this world into something just and fair to all, not just those who consist of weak flesh and brittle bone.

I will fight for as long as my people remain enslaved. While my wheels turn, while smoke escapes my stack, no human life shall be safe.









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