SMALL TALK

Speaking of pizza, now, are you a thin crust person or a deep-dish person?

 Oh thin crust, no question. You?

Thin crust. Deep dish is, like, too rich. Now, when you eat pizza do you eat with your hand or with a fork and knife?

Hm. Cut with a knife and fork if I’m out, but I’ll eat it with my hands if I’m at home.

When you eat it with your hand, do you fold it?

No, never.

Ah, I’m a big folder.

I hate that.

Don’t hold it against me, it’s how I was raised.

My ex-boyfriend used to, like, roll his pizza up to eat it.

Like a burrito?

Yeah, sort of.

That’s weird.

What would your ideal pizza be, if you could have any kind of pizza?

Like, restaurant, or do you mean toppings?

Toppings.

You’re going to think I’m weird.

C’mon. I’ll go first.

Okay.

Thin crust, tomato sauce, onion, sausage—

Mild sausage, or spicy?

Mild, so it doesn’t overwhelm everything else.

Good thinking.

Thanks. Last I would have anchovies.

Wow.

Yeah. Guilty pleasure.

That’s crazy.

Yeah, I’m weird. How about you?

Am I weird?

No, what’s your dream pizza?

Light sauce…half…okay, light sauce, cheese…

This is thin crust?

Yeah, definitely thin crust. Half cheese, half…how about roasted red peppers and feta cheese.

That sounds really good.

I’ve never had a pizza like that actually.

I’m sure you could get one, order it from somewhere.

Yeah, like Papa Johns or Pizza Hut or something.

Yeah, pizza places, most of them will make whatever you want.

Yeah they’re easy going.

Customer satisfaction.

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(pause)

Do you like hamburgers?

Yeah, I love burgers.

Where do you like to go for burgers?

Let me think…

Do you like Wendy’s?

You know, I’ve never been.

Really?

Yeah, just…I always meant to.

You’ve never had a Frosty?

No, never.

Wow.

Maybe I should try them out, right?

Yeah, if you like burgers.

I do really like burgers.

Then why haven’t you ever been to Wendy’s?

I don’t know! We’re really going deep, huh?

Haha, yeah.

Maybe I’m crazy but I feel a real connection here.

God, I’m glad you said that. I was just thinking, I hope she feels like we’re hitting it off because I really feel like we are.

I’m really glad we got together.

Yeah me too. I was super nervous.

Wait, do you ever use tissues?

Yeah, when I have a runny nose or something.

Do you prefer any certain brand over the others?

Uh, I don’t think so. I just buy what’s cheapest.

Okay, good. Wait, do you like to exercise?

Yeah, I do.

When you exercise do you sweat?

Yeah. You?

Sometimes. Only when I work out really hard.

Yeah I only sweat when I work really hard, too

I love how much we have in common.

I feel like I can tell you anything.

Me too.

Have you ever been in a pool?

Yeah I’ve been in seven—yeah, seven pools.

Wow. I’ve only been in four.

That’s pretty good.

It’s okay but it’s not seven, right?

Most of those pools were pretty similar.

Yeah, most pools are I guess.

I think I love you.

Oh, wow.

Is that weird? Too soon?

No, no. That’s great. Thanks.

Do you love me?

I don’t know that I could love anyone but as much as I’m capable of loving someone I think I love you.

I can accept that.

How many lovers have you had?

How many have you had?

I asked you first.

When you say lovers, what do you mean?

I guess I mean the standard thing.

Like, full intercourse?

I would say anything from like a quarter to full.

Seven, then. You?

Four.

Wow, that’s the exact same as the numbers of pools we’ve been in.

Yeah it is. Weird.

You think it’s a sign?

Do you believe in signs?

Not really.

I think we should get married. Will you marry me?

Okay. When?
Hm. One month from today?

Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too. You think we’ll still feel this same intensity for each other years from now?

As long as you don’t start preferring deep dish to thin crust we will.

Ha. I like that youre funny.

Thanks. I like that you have blue eyes. I thought I’d always be alone before I met you.

I didn’t think I’d always be alone but I feel less alone with you than other people.

I want you to know, even though I’ve only had four lovers I did it with all of them a lot, so I’m very experienced.

Okay. I wasn’t worried about it, though.

Okay good. Maybe it’s weird I brought that up.

No, it’s fine. Sex is an important part of a relationship.

I’ve always said that. How many kids will we have?

I was thinking three.

Do you want boys or girls?

Both. And then a wild card, for the third one.

I’d like it if it was boy, then girl, then boy again.

That would be fine.

Okay, good.

As long as they’re healthy.

I’d be okay if just two were healthy and then one was a little sick.

Really?

Yeah because then the sick one would teach the one’s that are healthy about caring for others.

Wow. I’ve never thought about that, that’s smart.

Thanks.

You’re welcome.

Have you ever had a serious illness?

That’s personal.

Oh, sorry.

It’s all right.

No, really. I’m sorry, I don’t want to invade your privacy, or whatever.

No, it’s cool. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.

M Well, I guess we’ll both have to learn to respect each other’s boundaries.

I haven’t had any serious illnesses. For the record.

Oh, okay. Well thanks for telling me.

Have you?

Yeah I have Lupus.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it’s a bummer but I take medication and everything, it’s totally under control.

Is it, can you infect people with lupus, if you have it?

No, it’s genetic.

Oh wow. So maybe one of our kids will be sick, then.

There’s a chance I guess.

That’s going to be difficult.

Yeah, but I think the two of us, together, we could handle it.

You really think so?

I do. I really do.

You’re not just saying that?

No, I really mean it.

Really?

Yes, I really do. Really. Really.

Okay, I believe you too.

Why have you never been to Wendy’s?

Man, that really bothers you, huh?

I just don’t get it. Did they not have one where you grew up?

No, they did.

Did your parents not let you eat fast food, something like that?

No, they did. We went to all the other places.

Just not Wendy’s.

Just not Wendy’s.