Valentine's Day Worksheet

Dad takes Mom to dinner at a nice restaurant for Valentine’s Day. His budget for the entire dinner is $200.00. Dinner costs $141.54, and Dad leaves a 20% tip for the waitress.  If the ride home takes twenty-one minutes, and the waitress was of above-average attractiveness, how many minutes of the ride home will mom spend crying?

Janet is all alone for Valentine’s Day. If Valentine’s Day is 24 hours long, and the average episode of Downton Abbey is 60 minutes, how many episodes will Janet have time to watch if she also spends 11 hours that day on Facebook and Twitter insisting that Valentines Day is meaningless?

Ms. Mize needs to come up with enough material to fill four hours of her third grade class on Friday. If class starts at 9am and she requires her students to make handmade Valentine’s cards for each of their classmates, and it takes each student eight minutes to make each card, how much time will Ms. Mize devote to wondering if calling her ex-husband on Valentine’s Day just to see if he has plans is weird?

Melissa, a student in Ms. Mize’s class, receives a Valentine from each of her classmates except for Johnny. If there is a 36% chance that Johnny meant to give her a Valentine and forgot, a 24% chance that Johnny gave out no cards, and a 40% chance that Johnny doesn’t know Melissa exists, how many years will it take before Melissa doesn’t feel awful about this one way or the other?

Ethan wants to get Sara something nice for Valentine’s Day. 3 days before Valentine’s Day he finds the perfect gift online, but the seller claims it will take 5 days to ship. If Ethan pays for expedited shipping, the gift will arrive in 2 days. If the extra shipping cost is $15.00 and Ethan and Sara have only been dating for two weeks, how much easier would it be for him to just break up with her?

Dale tells his boyfriend Eric that all he wants for Valentines Day is the new Simpson’s Lego set. If the Simpson’s Lego set costs $100, and Dale is 29 years old and doesn’t have health insurance, is it okay for Eric to flirt with the new guy who just moved in down the hall?

Ms. Mize’s ex-husband Terry is dating a woman 11 years younger than himself 9 years younger than Ms. Mize. If Ms. Mize is 38, how likely is it she’ll have time to meet someone new before it’s too late for her to have children?

Tobias buys Kimberly a bracelet for Valentines Day worth $75.00. Kimberly buys Tobias a flashlight worth $5.76. How reasonable is it for Tobias to expect Kimberly to make up the difference in the price of their gifts with sex?

Maria wants to make a special dinner for Teddy on Valentine’s Day. She spends $41.76 on groceries, and 4.5 hours preparing the meal. If, after dinner, Maria asks Teddy to help her with the dishes and take out the trash, why does she always have to be such a fucking nag?

There are 100 people in the bar on Valentine’s Day. If 1/3 of these people are in committed relationships, and another 4/12 are happy being single, what is it that makes me inherently unlovable?

On February 14^th, Carlos writes a Facebook post that says ‘Today is Valentine’s Day? I had no idea!’ If Carlos has 502 Facebook friends and 23 of them believe he really didn’t know it was Valentine’s Day, how did someone so transparently full of shit end up with 502 friends?

Jimmy and Donna meet for a blind date on Valentine’s Day. If Jimmy tells Donna his favorite movie is Annie Hall, and Donna is a strong supporter of the Farrow family, how many minutes will Jimmy and Donna then spend discussing recent allegations without either of them actually hearing anything the other is saying?