Lonely-Be-Gone

Congratulations on purchasing the Bryerson Lonely-No-More Kit, the first device 100% guaranteed to remove all feelings of loneliness. Please follow the enclosed directions carefully to ensure best results.

This Bryerson Lonely-No-More kit includes (1) Lonely-No-More cartridge and (1) Lonely-No-More cartridge delivery unit.

1.     Keep the Lonely-No-More Kit in a safe, dry place and do not remove from packaging until you are ready to use.

2.     After removing the Lonely-No-More Cartridge from packaging, inspect it carefully for any corrosion or damage.

3.     Hold the Cartridge Delivery unit in one hand with the muzzle facing the floor and press the thumbpiece forward to unlock the cylinder.

4.     Slide Lonely-No-More Cartridge into charge hole and slide the cylinder back into place until it locks. WARNING: The Lonely-No-More Kit is now ready to use. Do not attempt to use on others, as this may result in increased loneliness for user. Bryerson approves this kit for self-use only and is not responsible for misuse.

5.     Before use, make sure you are situated away from any hardwood floors, carpets, or anything else that might stain due to discharge released as Loneliness ebbs. For best results, sit in bathtub if one is available to you.

6.     Once situated and ready to use, grip the Lonely-No-More delivery unit by the handle and wrap index finger around release switch. Press muzzle to either temple or directly between eyes. WARNING: Bryerson recommends against discharging Lonely-No-More cartridge through roof of mouth or into heart, as this delivery method does not guarantee best results.

7.     When ready, apply pressure to release switch and discharge pellet. Feelings of Loneliness should cease instantly.

WARNING: While the Bryerson Lonely-No-More Kit may be used to relieve heartbreak, Bryerson recommends the Bryerson Guaranteed Heartbreak-B-Gone Bathing set for this purpose.